Most of us like to think of ourselves as decent, self-aware people. We try to be kind, thoughtful, and in control. But if we’re being honest, there are parts of us that don’t quite fit that image—thoughts we push down, emotions we try to ignore, behaviors we’d rather pretend aren’t there.
That’s where the “shadow self” comes in.
It might sound a little spooky or dramatic, but the shadow isn’t something to be afraid of. In fact, learning to recognize and work with it can be one of the most empowering things you ever do.
The idea of the shadow comes from Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist who believed that our personalities aren’t just the parts we show to the world (like our confidence, kindness, or ambition). There’s also a whole hidden side made up of the stuff we’ve pushed down or rejected—what he called the “shadow.”
Your shadow includes all the traits and emotions you’ve learned are “bad” or “unacceptable”—like jealousy, anger, selfishness, laziness, even ambition or assertiveness if those were discouraged when you were growing up.
They don’t go away. They just get buried deep and start showing up in sneakier ways.
From the time we’re little, we’re taught what’s “good” and what’s “not okay.” To fit in and be loved, we naturally start showing more of the “acceptable” parts of ourselves—and hiding the rest.
If you were praised for being quiet and polite, you might’ve learned to shove your anger down. If showing emotion wasn’t safe, you may have toughened up and buried your sensitivity. Over time, all those unexpressed parts get tucked away into the shadow.
And here’s the kicker: they don’t disappear. They just hide—and drive our behavior in ways we’re not even aware of.
You’re probably bumping into your shadow when you:
Basically, when your emotional reaction is bigger than the situation calls for? That’s often your shadow trying to tell you something.
Doing shadow work doesn’t mean you become some totally different person. It means you get real about the parts of yourself you’ve ignored, and you stop pretending they don’t exist.
Here’s what happens when you do:
It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about getting honest—and that kind of honesty brings peace.
You don’t need to dive headfirst into your deepest wounds. Start small, stay curious, and go easy on yourself.
When something or someone really gets under your skin, pause and ask, Why does this bother me so much? There might be a clue hiding in your reaction.
Journaling is a great way to safely explore your inner world. When did you last feel jealous, insecure, or angry? What were you really craving or afraid of?
Sometimes what annoys us in others is something we haven’t made peace with in ourselves. And weirdly, the same goes for the people we admire. Either way, it’s a mirror worth looking into.
Shadow work isn’t about shaming yourself—it’s about understanding. Remind yourself: having a shadow doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human.
We all have a shadow self. No exceptions. It’s not a sign you’re flawed—it’s just part of being a whole, complex human being.
The goal isn’t to get rid of the shadow. It’s to bring it into the light, understand it, and let it teach you something. Because the more you accept all parts of yourself—the good, the messy, the in-between—the more grounded, authentic, and free you become.
And that’s real growth.
